Below you’ll find my father’s entries from his journal that span over a month’s time. The financial struggles that surrounded he and my mom tested their faith as they daily waited on the LORD to meet their material needs as He had promised. As you read of my father’s broken heart that pleaded with the LORD as he reminded him of promises from His word, I pray you’ll be ecouraged at the conclusion, to find “the word of the LORD is proved,” (Ps 18:30) and that “He is faithful that promised.” (Heb 10:23) This trial recorded below is only one of many examples of the Lord’s great faithfulness in the life of His servant that sought to love Him with all his heart and prove to others that God is a Father that hears prayer and can be fully trusted.
Journal Entries
(Financial trial surrounding Joy’s birth)
Monday, April 13, 1992
It is April 13. In two days our 1992 taxes are due as well as our first 1992 tax voucher totaling $811.00. We still have $10.26 in our checking account and the LORD sent us $300.00 yesterday. Also, we have some present needs such as food and shoes for our boys. Believing that God gives us our DAILY BREAD, we feel the liberty to spend some of this today on food and trust God for the total amount tomorrow or the next day.
Help me, oh LORD, to “TRUST IN THE LORD AND DO GOOD…” (Ps 37:3)
Help me to trust You to supply our need and then do good, or do right now what it is You have given me to do.
Today, I will meet my lost Jewish friend, meet with Dallas Ledlow, then John Clowes, after that I will write a letter to Todd Burkis, then come home around 3:00 to go walking with Maureen.
“Remember the word unto Thy servant upon which Thou hast caused me to hope.” (Ps 119:49)
Tuesday, April 14, 1992
We received $300.00 Sunday. Monday we bought some needed groceries and tennis shoes for James. Today I paid our 1992 Est. Tax voucher for $155.00. So, at this moment we have $65.00, all our needs are met, and all the promises of God are true. We have been given our daily bread and our every need met to date.
Tomorrow- we look to tomorrow’s mercy, tomorrow’s grace, tomorrow’s needs to be met.
Our eyes are upon Thee.
Wednesday, April 15, 1992
“…they that received tribute money…said…does not your master pay tribute?”
“…go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up. And when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money; that take, and give unto them for me and thee.” (Matt 17:24-27)
LORD,You paid taxes. You had a government, Rome, over You, just like I do. And in the same way my government has asked me to pay $656.00 by midnight tonight just as they came to Your disciples for payment. You did not have it saved up, as I have not. Evidently, Your disciples didn’t either. On the day it was due, You supplied. I ask You to do the same for me. LORD, You have said,
“…the eye of the LORD is upon those Who fear Him…” (Ps 33:18)
“…all these things shall be added unto you…” (Matt 6:33)
…oh how “great is Thy goodness…” (Lam 3:23)
“…I shall not want…” (Ps 23:1)
“…blessed is the man who trusteth in the LORD…” (Jer 17:7)
“…they that seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing…” (Ps 34:10)
“He shall sustain thee…” (Ps 55:22)
“…no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly…” (Ps 84:11)
“…open thy mouth wide and I will fill it…” (Ps 81:10)
“THERE IS NO LACK TO THEM THAT FEAR HIM…”
“…the LORD taketh pleasure in those who fear Him,
in those who hope in His mercy…” (Ps 147:11)
“…Thou LORD, hast not forsaken those who seek Thee…” (Ps 9:10)
“He knows those who trust in Him…” (Nah 1:7)
“…He is our help and our shield…” (Ps 33:20)
“…my God will hear me…”
“…the LORD upholdeth him with His hands…”
“…and the LORD SHALL HOLD THEM AND DELIVER THEM…”
“…THEY SHALL BE ABUNDANTLY SATISFIED WITH FATNESS OF THY HOUSE…”
“…Ask and IT SHALL BE GIVEN YOU…”
Remember the word unto Thy servant upon which Thou hast called me to hope!
Thursday, April 16, 1992
NOTE: Last night at 10:30pm I had still not received any deliverance from the LORD, so I sent $50.00 to IRS, leaving us with $5.46, and explained that it was all that I had and that I would send it to them, as I received it, until the entire amount was paid.
At this point, I still do not understand why the LORD, has withheld, and caused me to be delinquent on my taxes. The only thing I KNOW, at this point, is that the verses on the previous page are still TRUE. His eye is still upon us, and He still upholds us with His hand; the only thing I do not understand, is why He is handling the situation like this. Dear LORD- what must I learn? Cause me to see what it is that I need to see! Prayer? Giving? Time with family? Teaching the children? Discipling and training the children?
I don not understand- but in my reading today You still say:
“…blessed is the man who trusteth in thee…”
“For the LORD GOD is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory. NO GOOD THING WILL HE WITHHOLD FROM THEM THAT WALK UPRIGHTLY.”
I KNOW that this is true, for You cannot lie.
So- I can only think of three options:
#1- The IRS tax money is not a “good thing,” for You said, “no good thing will He withhold” and yet this has been withheld.
#2- The IRS tax money has, in reality, not been withheld, although that is what it looks like with the information that I have.
#3- I am not one who is walking uprightly.
#4- Maybe there is some other explanation (Abraham didn’t understand what God was
doing when He commanded him to sacrifice Isaac to whom the promise had been made)
Friday, April 17, 1992
Ps 33:18- Your EYE is still upon me
28:1- You are still my SHEPHERD
39:10- I shall not lack any good thing
145:18- You are still NIGH
34:5- Your eyes are still upon me, Your ears are open unto my cry
Nah1:7- You know that I am trusting in You
I look to You dear God of heaven. Come to our aid! Forgive my anxiety. Help Thou mine unbelief!
Monday, April 20, 1992
“He shall call upon Me, and I WILL ANSWER HIM. I will be with him in trouble. I WILL DELIVER HIM AND HONOR HIM.”
Dear LORD Jesus, Almighty God, the Most High, I have made You, my LORD, my refuge and my fortress, my God, in Whom I trust. You have promised to answer me when I call, be with me in trouble, and DELIVER me and HONOR me.
And LORD, You know I’m in TROUBLE- I have $5.26 in my checking account. I have $120 just received. We need to pay our phone bill and buy Maureen some vitamins. Maureen could deliver our sixth child at any moment and I have five other children to feed and clothe. The most urgent of all, however, is my IRS taxes for 1991. I owe, right now, $606.00. My specific trouble is that I’m in debt! Help me, Oh God! Supply my need. DELIVER me as You said You would do! HONOR me as You have promised. Please forgive my fearful and unbelieving heart.
Thursday, April 23, 1992
“I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”
“I had fainted…” I have felt in these last several days fearful and fainthearted and I for that I have had an evil heart of unbelief.
“Unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD…” LORD, You have said “oh how great is Thy goodness which Thou hast LAID UP for those who…trust in Thee before the sons of men.” Except that I believe You, I would have surely fainted long ago.
“…in the land of the living.” Now in this life- that You are a God Who knows and moves in our real life ….
Forgive me, O God, of my evil heart of unbelief. Help Thou mine unbelief. Cause me to rest and wait, being satisfied with Your grace and with the blessings that You have supplied.
Saturday, April 25, 1992
“But Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
What is it that I should be content with?
“Having FOOD and RAIMENT- let us therewith be content.”
“Be content with SUCH THINGS AS YE HAVE.”
Help me, Father, to be content with what we have, food and clothing.
Wednesday, April 29, 1992
“I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.”
You’ve said, “…BE CONTENT WITH SUCH THINGS AS YE HAVE…” and You have a good reason- “…FOR HE HATH SAID, I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE NOR FORSAKE THEE.” (Heb. 13:5)
First regarding the promise, You first said this, through Moses to Your children of Israel-
Deut. 4:31- “He will NOT forsake thee…” and concerning all future fears and battle He said,
31:6- “…He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”
vs. 8- “…He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee…”
Then to Joshua you said, “I WILL NOT FAIL THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE.”
So…You pointed to the future and said that in all that they were to encounter- food, water, sickness, enemies, etc- YOU the living God would be with them, and they could count on it!
Then, here in Hebrews 13- in connection with material sustenance (Be content with such things as you have, be not covetous) You say that we are to be content because “He hath said, I will never thee, nor forsake thee.”
So- I conclude from this, that You have not forsaken me, and You will not FAIL me. What we are experiencing right now is simply You doing to me, in some measure what You did to Paul- so that he was able to write, “…I am instructed both to be full AND TO BE HUNGRY, both to abound AND SUFFER NEED…”
“…for I HAVE LEARNED….TO BE CONTENT.” (Phil 4:18)
Paul said he had LEARNED, because he had been INSTRUCTED- TO BE CONTENT.
You have said to me- “Be CONTENT WITH SUCH THINGS AS YOU HAVE, HAVING FOOD and RAIMENT, be CONTENT,” and now You are instructing me to be content as You did Paul. But, I know, that You HAVE NOT FAILED OR FORSAKEN ME.
Thursday, April 30, 1992
Knowing this- that You have said,
“Be content with such things as ye have,”
“…having food and raiment…be content, and
“Godliness with contentment is great gain,”
and knowing that You INSTRUCTED Paul to be hungry and suffer need and that he had LEARNED to be content and it didn’t just come naturally, and knowing that You have also said, “I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE NOR FORSAKE THEE” and that You haven’t and will not- THEN- I have then, no option but to wait upon You the Almighty to come to our aid.
And this I KNOW, in the midst of many questions, that:
#1- “It is GOOD that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the
LORD.”
#2- You are GOOD to those who do (Lam. 3:25-26)
And so we wait- hoping in Thy word. (Ps 130:5)
Also- we have $140 that was set aside for You at the beginning of the month for our first fruits. (Pro 3:9) We already gave $60. Last night we had a young believing couple over, expecting their first child, who are in need of $150 by tomorrow. So- today we will give them the $140 on the basis of Rom 12:13 (“Distributing to the necessity of the saints”) and asking You to do what You said in Luke 6:38, “GIVE, and it shall be given unto you…”
So here we are: $5 in checking account, $20 cash (from a gift received just yesterday,) we owe the IRS $446. We have many needs to be met, food is approaching scarse, and rent and water are due in 10 days, and our phone bill was due on the 27th. Besides all this, Maureen is expecting our 6th child any day and we need $300 more to pay the mid-wife when that time comes.
I had surely fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (Ps 27:13)
Saturday, May 2, 1992
Dear LORD,
Oh keep my soul and deliver me; let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in Thee. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Oh, how great is Thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for those who fear Thee, which Thou hast wrought for those who put their trust in Thee before the sons of men. Help me, Oh God, not to “Forget your works” which You have done in days of old- and which You have done in my life.
Options: 1. Get a job (painting, furniture)
2. Sell something (land, class ring)
3. Wait upon You
Concerning #1- Paul labored at times to meet his needs
#2- You had the widows of Israel sell oil
#3- It is a good thing- and You are good to those who wait
Monday, May 4, 1992
Heb. 3:7-8; 12 – “Today, if ye will hear His voice HARDEN NOT YOUR HEARTS…TAKE HEED.. lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.”
Help me, oh God, help my unbelief, my anxious heart!
Yesterday, we received $100. We must pay right now $68.14 for phone bill, which is 7 days late. We will also pay our water bill $17.89 which is due in 3 days. We then will see if there is anything that we need, then send the rest to the IRS towards our $446.80 debt.
I must confess I am not “content” as I have been commanded to be.
Wednesday, May 5, 1992
“And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, and many people of Israel died.”
Therefore- the people said, “We have sinned…”
“Now no chastening for the moment seemeth to be joyous, but grievous…”
Father, I see that when You disciplined- it was not joyous but grievous- and it brought about an attitude of “WE HAVE SINNED” “we are wrong.” Help me- oh LORD- to discipline like You do. Help me to be loving and yet very firm. Help me to give my children a picture of what YOU are like.
*At 4:00pm this afternoon Maureen started having labor pains, we called our midwife at 5:00 and agreed for her to come at 6:00 and she should be here any minute (it’s 9:08)
Friday, May 8, 1992
“I will sing unto the LORD, for HE HATH DEALT BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME.”
Mary, our midwife arrived about 9:30pm Wednesday night and we all (Maureen, Mary, and I, the children being in bed) sat up and talked about the LORD till about 11:00. Maureen’s contractions were then about 18mins apart. We all agreed to go to sleep, if possible, to try to conserve energy for late, and Maureen was to wake me up WHENEVER she thought needed me. At 2am, when Maureen woke me, she said her contractions were about 10-15min apart. Then, her water broke, the contractions came every 2 min- lasting at least a minute each and Joy was born at 2:52am May 7, 1992.
*NOTE: Please consider, dear reader, that up until I arrived home on Monday, that our financial situation was “grievous” to say the least. We were indebted to the IRS for $446 and our phone bill was past due. We had no promise of any kind from anyone- except our LORD and I must admit, I was perplexed about the whole situation. Then- Monday, by mail, the LORD supplied $500 from someone who had given $100 on many occasions and also an anonymous gift for $150. Then, Wednesday, we go into labor- have the baby and was able to write another $200 check to our midwife.
So, I can honestly say, that the LORD had dealt BOUNTIFULLY with me!
Maureen had a normal, healthy, rather easy delivery. She required no stitches. Joy seems perfectly health and happy. The IRS Taxes are paid. The midwife is paid. The water and electric bills are paid. We have about $90 that I am going to go to town with, this afternoon to buy groceries with. Oh, we were also able to give $100- Wednesday mailed it to some saints in need.
So, God is faithful! And I have learned in that certain situations- I am not content. Help me, Oh LORD, to rest, to trust, and not to doubt or worry.
Saturday, May 9, 1992
Dear LORD Jesus, thank You again for Your abundant mercy and loving kindness toward to us! You have given us a sixth child, You have given us good health, and You have supplied our every need!
We have paid the IRS, the midwife, and all our bills that are due. We have approximately $40 tonight and our rent is due tomorrow for $200 but my heart is so still full of Your goodness in past and present experiences that I cannot feel anxious about tomorrow. LORD, You are so good!!! Please work in me the faith and steadfastness to never doubt or fear again.