Test of Faith from Nov 89 – July 90


We left West Point Sat. morning going to NC by way of Birmingham.  We had aprox. $140.00 to our name and left believing that our God would be faithful to provide.

In Birmingham we received $26.00 from a brother.  In NC we received $100.00 from my parents for an early Christmas present.

We had a good and profitable trip, and God was faithful to supply our need as well as give us safety and protection on our way.

12-5-89 Also, regarding trusting you.  They heard your word – the command and the promise, yet they could not believe.  So, God could not show mercy on them.  I know he would have. I ,too, am in a similar situation: There is seeming approaching danger (lack of supply, embarrassment, behind in career from not “doing” anything. You have given your command “Seek not what you shall eat, drink, but instead seek first God’s kingdom. You have given your promise “all these things shall be added unto you.” The only rational thing about obeying is that you, the living God have promised to supply.  Everything else about it goes contrary to human reasoning. If I believe the promise and obey the command, then you will show mercy. If I do not, you cannot.

As of right now – be it known- that I choose to labor in the area of ministry that God has given me – waiting upon Him, the living God, to supply my need.  Give me grace, oh Lord, to be faithful and obedient till I am as old as Caleb.

App: I will, when the $ is in hand – pay the bills, and buy supplies for the van or Christmas presents as if I had a Father who owned cattle on a thousand hills, for I do.  If a need arises today, I will pay it, even knowing that more needs, like rent, etc, are waiting the next day.

1-6-90 Matt. 2:12 “being warned of God in a dream” Matt. 2;13 “arise, flee into Egypt” Matt. 2:19-20 “arise, take the young child and his mother…Israel” Matt. 2:22 “being warned of God in a dream”

“the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord”

Jesus was to proclaim the truth of God’s kingdom.  When I look at him as a laborer in your kingdom and see…   YOU MAKE SURE YOUR WORKERS KNOW WHERE TO GO AND WHEN!!!

Lord, you have said that through your Word you give light and direction.  In the same way that you sent angels to direct Joseph’s paths.  I pray that as I look in you Word you guide and direct me.

App: Pray right now and ask God to direct me to just the right plans at just the right time.    7:25 am

2-10-90 On 2/5 we had enough money to pay our rent.  Based on Prov. 3:9-10 we gave $200 to some saints in need based on Rom. 12:13.

I fully expected God to supply more money before now – but he hasn’t for his own perfect reasons.  So we must take $200 out of our $496 savings to pay our rent.   Lord, what are you trying to show me? Is my focus not on you as it ought to be? Do you not want us to have a savings account? Are we not being frugal enough with our money? Is this just to test our faith? Is my prayer life insufficient?

2-22-90 Matt. 6:1-4 Do not give to be seen by men – if you do – you will receive no reward from your Father. Those who seek recognition from men – that is all the reward they will receive. Let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth – BUT IN SECRET AND THY FATHER – who seeth in secret – SHALL REWARD THEE OPENLY.

God has promised…thy barns shall be filled with plenty  …the liberal soul shall be made fat  …if we sow bountifully – we’ll reap bountifully  …give and it shall be given unto you

and – according to this promise – when I give in secret – where no one sees – but God – then #1 He Does See #2  He Does Reward

Prac. App: When we give, we will continue to give in such a way that NO MAN KNOWS who it is from.  #1. We get no  rewards from men – only God.  #2.  They have no one to thank and praise but God.

3-5-90 Matt. 6: 5,6 “And when thou prayest… Pray not like the hypocrites standing in the synagogue at the corners of the street (they have their reward – that of men’s recognition)

enter into thy room, shut the door Pray to they Father who is in secret And thy Father, who seeth in secret SHALL REWARD THEE OPENLY.

With this exceeding great and precious promise we need to tell NO MAN of our needs.  We simply tell our Father, who is in secret – and he WILL reward us openly!

App: We will continue to tell no one of our needs or our financial condition – but will continue to tell you, our Father, of our needs. Pray:

We have $185.00 to our name, the first fruit of March.  We have already laid it aside in order the Lord (Prov. 2:9-10).  Our rent is due on the 10th – IRS taxes due Ap. 15.  Deliver us, oh Lord, according to thy Word.   We have no money for gas or good.  The Lord, ALONE, is our hope – Tu 3/6/90 5:18am

Sunday, 3/11/90 Matt 6:17-18 “…when thou fastest, anoint thy head, and wash thy face, that thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father in secret:  AND THY FATHER WHO SEETH IN SECRET SHALL REWARD THEE OPENLY.”

When we fast in secret, then you hear and answer.

App: Fast and pray (br & lunch) today until Gods send supply.        Received $100 PTL Tuesday, 3/13/99 II Chron. 25:6ff

v. 6 – “He hired also 100,000 men…out of Israel v. 7 – “But there came a man of God…saying…”let not…Israel go with thee; for the Lord is not with Israel. v. 8 –  “God shall make thee fall before the enemy; for God hath power to help and to cast down.”  and concerning the $… v. 9 – “the Lord is able to give thee much more than this.”

Lord, my reliance, my faith is to be in you alone.  I need not make any deliverance for myself.  You have power to HELP or power to CAST DOWN.  Dear Lord, I want your help.    I do not desire outside help – for you ARE enough – please be on my side to help.  And have I ever have a thought of working my own deliverance – help me to remember that…  1 – You are enough – able to help or cast down  2 – You are able to give me much more than (whatever I seek to work my own deliverance with.

Thursday, 3/15/90 II Chron. 32:31 “God left him, to test him, that he might know ALL THAT WAS IN HIS HEART.”

Deut. 8:3 “to test thee, TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THINE HEART, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or not.”

God left him    TO TEST Led them, humbled them

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that you are still in control of the circumstance – and that you ORDER difficult circumstance to TEST ME – so you can know what is in my heart.   Oh Lord, help thou my unbelief!

Prac. App: Although we have very little money, I will continue to spend it as if I had a cattle on a thousand hills of my own.

Monday, 3/26/90 Mark 1:16 “they were fishers.  And Jesus said unto them, “Come after me, and I WILL MAKE YOU BECOME FISHERS OF MEN.”  And they…followed him.”

Lord, you saw two fishers.  You told them (1) command: “Come after me” (2) Promise: “I will make you become fishers of men”  Then they FORSOOK THEIR NETS, them -ONLY means of providing physical supplies – with their eyes on you.  And the record records that they were not left wanting.  They were fishers of men – and their physical needs were met.  Lord, I, too, have heard your call, and have left my nets (furniture making) to follow you.  My eyes are upon you and my hope is in your Word.  And, I now claim this exceedingly great and precious promise – “I WILL MAKE YOU BECOME FISHERS OF MEN.”

Wednesday, 3/28/90 Ps. 34:4 I sought the Lord He heard me    He delivered me They looked unto him  were lightened     were not ashamed This poor man cried  the Lord heard him.     Saved him.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good Bless is the man that trusteth in him.

Oh, fear the Lord, ye his saints   For there is NO WANT to them that fear him. They that seek the Lord   Shall not want any good thing.

Promise: “Blessed is the man that trust in him” “There is no want to them that fear him” “They that seek the Lord shall not want ANY GOOD THING.”

Lord, I believe that if I TRUST you (for supply, etc.) I will be blessed.  I believe that there is no want to them that fear you and that if I seek YOU I will not lack any good thing.

App: In 17 days I need to have 1,000 plus dollars to pay my taxes.  I have less than $100.00 now and rent and water is due on the 10th.  I have nothing but hope – but my hope is in you, Dear Lord.  Did you not say:  This poor man cried, and the Lord heard, and delivered jim from all his trouble?…There is NO WANT…shall not lack any good thing…?  See now the situation I am in – IRS, Rent, Water-  Now, Lord, honor they word to me, dear Lord.  Make yourself strong on my behalf. Allow me to give of my firstfruits. Allow me to pay my rent on time. Allow me to pay my water on time. Allow me to pay my 1989 taxes on time. …my eyes are upon thee.        Mih 4:15-5:15

Saturday, 3/31/90  Help me, oh God, to realize that you deal the same with me; Your discipline (Heb. 12) but you will never forsake me (Heb 13:5).  You will never break your promises to me – and you will not change what you have said.  Your promises to me are not dependent upon my perfection or my faithful but upon you, your Word, your faithfulness.

App: Review Pack of God’s promises to me!

Sunday, 4/1/90 Ps. 91 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust; his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.  Ps. 91:4  Through the Word of God, we can REST under your PROTECTION AND PROMISES with your word being our shield and buckler.

App: Continually take fleshly, worrisome thoughts and lay them up against the WORD!!!

Monday, 3/2/90 Matt. 6 v.1-4 – Give in secret  Thy father who seeth in secret SHALL REWARD v.5-8 – Pray in secret      thee OPENLY: v16-18 – Fast in secret v.19-21 – Lay up treasure in heaven v.24 – I cannot serve God and $

Therefore, I say unto you, Be not anxious for your life…what ye shall eat, or     what ye shall drink, nor yet     for your body, what ye shall put on…

Behold the fowls of the air;  For they sow not,  Neither do they reap,  Nor gather into barns.  YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER feedeth them. ARE YE NOT MUCH MORE THAN THEY?

But seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU.

Dear Lord Jesus,  Have you not commanded me not to be anxious?  Have you not asked me to consider the birds as an example of how you provide daily in normal natural ways, for those who seek your kingdom first.  And now, behold,…  …the rent due in 8 days – $200.00  …the water bill is due in 8 days – $14.00  …my Internal Revenue Taxes are due in 13 days –  approx. $1,000? Besides – other bills due in two weeks!  Our fifth child is due in 2 months!  And do we not desire to give of our first fruits? Ps. 119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou has caused me to Hope!

Now, therefore, I pray thee, if I am not to be anxious, and you have promised that all these things shall be added unto me – then help me now – oh Lord!  Come to our aid!  Lord, you are our hope – and our eyes are upon YOU!!!  Oh, let us not be ashamed for I have clung to thy testimonies. PS 119:31 Robert Buckner ?   (include this???) Patrick Tyrus Steve Cooper


Lord, my heart is fixed; trusting in the Lord (your word). I have put my confidence in your Word. …and ALL these thing shall be added unto you. …no good thing will be withheld… …There is no want… …and I will fill it …and verily thou shalt be fed. …the Lord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to thirst. …shall not lack any good thing. …Ask and it shall be given.

Dear Lord Jesus – you have caused me to hope in your Word – Remember your promise, oh Lord – and let me not be ashamed for putting my confidence in YOU!!!

Wednesday, 4/4/90 Ps. 125:1 “They WHO TRUST IN THE LORD SHALL be as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed but abideth forever.”  Thank you, dear Lord, for this promise!


They who    as Mt. Zion, which cannot    TRUST  SHALL BE   be removed,   In the Lord            but abideth forever.


I desire to trust in you.   I desire to be like Mt. Zion.   Cause me to hope in thy Word! Mem. Ps. 125:1

Note: We have four children, one on the way in two months, and aprox. $55.00 to our name.  I have the water bill (13.82) and the electric bill (45.94) in my possession, rent due in 6 days, IRS tax due in 11 days, and we’ve not yet received any FirstFruits to give.  Maureen  and I are at perfect rest in the WORD and love of our Heavenly Father.

NOTE: Received $100.00 today – we gave it to Zirzah  Bill as a gift according to Matt. 6:1-4 and Pr. 3:9-10.  Remember the word unto thy servant, unto which thou has caused me to hope:    Stayed at Jefferies till 11:30.  Bed at 12:15.

Saturday, 4/7/90 NOTE:  Rec. $300.00 from Gordo fellowship:  At present we have aprox. $400.00 with $260.00 being due right now for rent, water, and electricity.  So – we have about $140 to our name and IRS taxes due in 5 days. “My heart is fixed – trusting in the Lord!” “Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope!”

Tuesday, 4/10/90 Note: Last night I went to H&R Block and found out I owe exactly $1272.00 for Social Security Tax.  It is due in 6 days.  My soul clingeth to the dust – revive me according to thy Word:  Oh Lord, my God, are you not THE God of heaven?  Do you not rule in heaven and on earth as you always have?  And in you hand is there not power and might, so that none is able to withstand you?  Did you not come this earth and die for me that I might be adopted as a son and be able to call you Father?  And Father have you not told me –  “BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING…”  including this situation I am now in. Last year we asked for money to pay our Social Security tax in quarterly payment – but you withheld at that time.  I concluded at that time that you must want me to be exempt from SS or that you would provide one large sum at the proper time. Upon investigating the possibility of exemption from SS, John Mitchell and I concluded that according to the IRS tax laws, I could not be exempt. So – here I am just 6 days before we are to render unto Ceaser the things that are Ceasers’, and we have aprox. $120.00

(Ps. 37:23-24  ” THE STEPS OF A GOOD MAN ARE ORDERED BY THE LORD…”  Lord, you have ordered my steps – and I find myself here – in great need.  Remember that you also led the children of Israel, by the cloud and fire, into a dead end trap at the RED SEA.  But, it was for a purpose – and is not this also for a purpose?)


Now, oh God, look at the position I am in…  I have a wife who is expecting our 5th child that YOU gave us (Ps. 127, 128)  My only labor is in your field.  We have $120.00 and $1272.00 due in 6 days.

Lord, being that you are not man that you should lie, nor a son of man that you should repent.  Have you said, and shall you not do it?  Have you spoken, and shall you not make it good?

And, so I ask you now, Lord – to come to our aid.  Make yourself strong on our behalf.  Provide the money we need in order to send in our SS tax on time.  Move in the hearts of your children “”that THEIR ABUNDANCE ALSO MAY BE A SUPPLY FOR “OUR” WANT.

Remember the word unto thy servant  UPON WHICH   THOU HAS CAUSED ME TO HOPE

I wait for the Lord, my soul doeth wait and IN HIS WORD DO I HOPE.

Note: Rec. $200.00 from a dear brother today.  Thank you, Lord..

Wednesday, 4/11/90 Ps. 105:16 Joseph, too, was in trying times, but when the whole situation was viewed from God’s prospective  God was sending Joseph before Israel to preserve life. How …who was sold for a servant… …whose feet they hurt with fetters… …he was laid in iron  THE WORD OF THE LORD TRIED HIM

YOU, Lord, were still in control when Joseph was …in the pit, prisoner to his own brothers …on the way to Egypt in the Ishmaelite caravan …when he was betrayed in Potipher’s house …in the Egyptian jail …when forgotten by the Butler  FOR THIRTEEN YEARS JOSEPH WAITED (Gen. 37:2 & 41:46)

Lord, although I have it easy compared to Joseph – I, too, feel – abandoned and alone – I have little $ – few possessions – and have no hope – but YOU, God of Joseph!  I know you are nigh and your eye is upon me!  Deliver me, oh God – direct me like you did Joseph – Help me to rest until you do! “All things work together for good to them…” I know this is for MY GOOD to teach me to rest in you – regardless of the circumstances. Help thou mine unbelief!

Thursday, 4/12/90  Lord, just like your disciples of old, I too have entertained thoughts of “Master, caret thou not that we perish?” Their circumstances were literal wind and waves – mine are financial needs – but an evil heart of unbelief is just as much sin – nonetheless.  I know that you could have done the same for me then – and I know you can deliver me now.  Forgive me for doubting (have you not said “BE NOT OF DOUBTFUL MIND.”)  and cause me to rest amidst the circumstances as you did that day “ASLEEP ON A PILLOW”  Please forgive me for being fearful!  My faith is mighty weak.  Help me to rest.

“Why are ye so fearful?”  “How is it that ye have no faith?”

Saturday, 4/13/90  This afternoon – a friend called from another state and said “How much do you owe on your income tax.  We have more extra than we expected and do not want to just shoot in the dark – but do want to help you -How much?”  After much stammering and hesitating, I told him that felt that it was probably best for us to tell only our Father in secret since He had promised to hear and answer when we do.  He said he appreciated that – and then asked if he could bring his family over on APRIL 15 for a short visit.  Remember the WORD unto thy servant – upon which thou has caused me to hope!  Dear Lord, please move in this man’s heart to give enough to meet ALL our needs!!!

Monday, 4/16/90 Note: We just received $425.00 from a dear brother in Gordo, Ala.  We now have $1,029.00 and $1272.00 due by midnight tonight.  We still need $243.00.  Mr. Ledlow owes me $165.00 for material I have bought for the house  The children have $190.00 saved up from Christmas and birthday presents.  Lord – what shall I do?  James is begging me to use his $190.00 and that would still not be enough.  You could move Mr. Ledlow to remember to pay me.  You do hear in secret, do you not?  Oh, my God – will you not deliver me?  For I know not what to do – but – MY EYES ARE STILL UPON YOU!  I believe you can still provide – although I do not know how:  I am willing to be late, if, you want want me, your son, to be late.  My heart is fixed – trusting in the Lord!

Tuesday, 4/17/90  Lord, you told the children of Israel here that they were a rebellious people because they sought to “go down into Egypt… to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharoah,…”  You told them “In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.”  Lord, I do not understand what has transpired concerning the IRS tax $, but I know that you have ordered it this way for me.  My tendency is to squirm – to run to a more comfortable place – but I believe you are saying the same to me – “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”  Help me now Lord, to rest in all the very clear thing that I do understand and not to focus too much on that which I do not understand.  “And, therefore, will the LORD WAIT, THAT HE MAY BE GRACIOUS UNTO YOU…THAT HE MAY HAVE MERCY UPON YOU.”

THURSDAY, 4/19/90 Promise:  “In Isaac shall they seed be called;”

CIRCUMSTANCES:  God had given him another contradictory command:  “Take now they son,… and offer him…for a burnt offering.”

HIS THOUGHTS:  “Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead..

GOD’S PURPOSE:  “…God did test Abraham…for NOW I KNOW THAT THOU FEAREST GOD…” **You were testing Abraham to see if he would keep your commandments or not!**

Lord – are you testing me with these circumstances to see if I will keep your commandments or not?

Promise:  “and all these things shall be added unto you”    “they Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly” Circumstances:  On April 15 we were still $272.00 short of what we owe the IRS.  Gas and food are low.  We have a trip planned for this weekend – if we receive no $ today – we must cancel.  I need a part for the lawn mower and seed for the garden.

My Thoughts:  Lord, what are you doing?  What do you want me to do? Your Purpose:  To test my obedience?  To reveal some sin to me?

My options:  (as far as I can see now) Put land up for sale Ask Mr. Carrol if he needs me to make some furniture Seek full time employment WAIT UPON YOU – Ps. 37:3-6, Lam. 3:24-25

Joshua PROMISE:  “There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of they life.”

CIRCUMSTANCES:  “And the men of Ai smote of them about 36 men: for they chased them from before the gate even unto Shebarim, and smote them in the going down.

HIS THOUGHTS:  “…wherefore hast thou at all brought this people over the Jordan, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorite, to destroy us?”

GOD’S PURPOSE:  “Oh Israel, thou canst not stand before thine enemies, until you take away the accused thing from among you.”

*You could not fulfill your promise to them because of their disobedience. Is this the purpose for my present circumstances?

Having confessed all I know – and made plans to do something in light of what I see – at this point I still feel that to sell the land, work at Sammy’s, or seek a full-time job would be seeking my own deliverance.  And so now – I choose to wait upon you!

Wednesday, 4/25/90 Note: On 4/17 I mailed $1,000.00 to IRS leaving us with $29.04.  At that point we had $29.04 in checking and were indebted to the IRS for $272.00  I felt we could spend nothing until we paid the $272.00.  On 4/20 we received a $100.00 check from the Hughs but did not deposit it yet thinking that we could spend NO $ until the debt was cleared.  We cleaned out the refrigerator and the freezer buying NOTHING – waiting upon God to supply our need.  Yesterday, at the end of the day, both vehicles were on E, and I considered that maybe God wanted me to stay home.  Then I remembered the word of the Lord…  “FOR IF THERE BE FIRST A WILLING MIND, IT IS ACCEPTED ACCORDING TO THAT WHICH A MAN HATH, AND NOT ACCORDING TO THAT WHICH HE HATH NOT.” II Cor. 8:12

NOTE: Last night, we were given seeds to plant peas, green beans and snap beans and few other seeds form Steve and Mr. Ledlow.  Thank you Father for supplying our need.

All through 1989, we had a willing mind – We were willing to use the quarterly voucher system. Then, We were willing to use our savings.  Then, We were willing to wait till the last minute for God to supply – and having cast ourselves totally upon our Father – we came up short $272.00.

Although we still need to send IRS $272.00, does God not look at us as if we did pay it in full-being willing to do so for those three different situations?

For this reason I decided today, 4/25/90, to write a check for gas (as I would ordinarily do) and to use the $100.00 to pay for the necessities of life such as food, phone bill, etc, and as soon as the Lord will allow $272.00 to come my way – I will send it to IRS.

So – having a wife, expecting to deliver our 5th child in 6-8 weeks, having 6 present mouths to feed, having #272.00 due in IRS taxes, having $42.00 due SUB in 3 days, having less than $120.00 to our name, and having NO PROMISE OF ANYTHING FROM ANYONE BUT GOD – who has promised us in His Word to supply our need….we wait upon our FATHER IN HEAVEN!!!

I have written these details for these reasons: To remember to give glory to God. To strengthen my own faith in days to come. So my children may know how God provided for them while they were 7.5, 6,4,2,9 mo.prg., so they may be encouraged to trust him more fully during their adult lives. To strengthen the faith and to encourage ANY who might read this in days to come.

Tuesday, 5/1/90  You are FAITHFUL, oh Lord. Thank you that you will not cast off forever.  We await you, to have compassion on us according to your MERCIES.  Have mercy on us, oh Lord.  We have $40.29 in checking, $29.00 in cash, $272.00 due the IRS.  $200.00 due for rent in 9 days. Aprox. $15.00 due in water bill due in 9 days, and we desire to give $400.00 to YOU this month.  “…neither know we what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

Wednesday, 5/2/90  Thank you, Lord Jesus, that you have not, and do not, deal with me after my sin (and they are many), nor do you reward me according to my iniquities.  And thank you that you deal with me according to your great mercy.


Tuesday, 5/8/90 Titus 1:2  “GOD, WHO CANNOT LIE…”

Titus 1:3 How does God manifest his Word?  “God is not a man, that he should lie? Num.23:19

Lord, you are not a man!!!  Unlike men – YOU CANNOT LIE!!!  This is an impossibility!!!  “Hath he said, and shall he not do it? Or…  hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?”

Lord, did you not say… “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and ALL these things (material needs) shall be added unto you”?

“Who goeth to war at his own expense?     Who planteth a vineyard, and eateth not of its fruit?   Who leadeth a flock, and eateth not of the milk of the flock?   …he that ploweth should plow in hope;   …he that thesheth in hope should be partaker of his hope.”

“The Lord is GOOD unto those who wait for him…It is GOOD that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”


You cannot lie!!  Regardless of the circumstances – however it may appear – YOU CANNOT LIE and you CANNOT FORSAKE ME!!

Paul said in Phil. 4:…  I KNOW HOW TO BE ABASED… …I am instructed to be hungry… …I am instructed to suffer need…


…me being abased, being hungry, and suffering need is still in harmony with the promise of supply.  Help me, oh God, to be like Paul and LEARN to do these things THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHENETH ME!!!

Thank you, Lord, that you CANNOT LIE!

Wednesday, 5/8/90 God’s Nearness I am in “THE SHADOW OF THE ALMIGHT”  Ps. 91:1 You pity me as I do my children    Ps. 103:13 You are on my side      Ps. 118:6 You are good to those who wait for you.   Lam. 3:25-26 Your eye is upon me.      Ps.33:18 You know I am trusting in you    Nah 1:7 You are a shield to them who put their trust in you   Prov 30:5 There is no lack to them who fear    Ps. 34:9 You will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish Pro. 10:3 You uphold me in your hand.     Ps. 37:24


We presently have $175.90 in checking.  We woe IRS $272.00  Rent is due tomorrow $200.00  Mom’s birthday is Friday  Mother’s day is Sunday  Electric bill is due in 6 days “neither know we what to do – but – our eyes are on you.”

Thursday, 5/10/90 Note: Today we wrote a check for what was in the checking account and then scraped enough ones, quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies to pay our rent on time.  Thank you Lord Jesus. “…our eyes are upon you!!!”

Friday, 4/11/90 Matt. 7:7-11 ASK…and it shall be given SEEK…and ye shall find KNOCK…and it shall be opened unto you; FOR EVERY ONE WHO  Asketh – Receiveth  Seeketh – Findeth  Knocketh – Shall be opened What man of you, if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?    if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

If YE (being evil)+ know how to give good gifts to your children, HOW MUCH MORE SHALL YOUR FATHER (who is in heaven )+ give good to those that ASK him?

Lord, here, you have compared your love to me to the love that I have for my children!  In Ps. 103:13 you tell me that you pity me in the same way and pity mine.  For me to doubt, fear, or be anxious is to say that you are not capable of taking care of your own.  How many times have I told my children “Don’t worry, just relax, and Daddy will take care of EVERYTHING – just go play!”  Did you not say the same to me when you said… TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD…and verily thou shalt be fed!”

App: Today, I will work on the house, enjoy my family, and let you take care of the situation that I am in.

Note: Serena brought a bag of groceries – bananas, butter, sugar, eggs – Also Mr. Ledlow brought a bag of fruit – bananas.  Then Jeanette brought us some bread and meat and cheese that was left over from a party at work.  Thank you, Father, for taking care of us, your children.

Sunday, 5/13/90 Yesterday the Lord sent us a $50.00 check from a brother in Starkville.  Today we $120.00 in our diaper bag.  We had to buy gas and some basics for groceries leaving us with aprox. $135.00.

Wednesday, 5/16/90 Note: Received $120.00 Sunday, $100.00 on Tuesday, $100.00 + $30.00 + $50.00 on Wednesday and was able to pay the light bill, phone bill, and pay the balance on my 1989 IRS tax.  Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Monday, 5/21/90 We are, and have been for some time been passing through a time of great financial trial.  We are learning how to be abased and to be hungry and to suffer need.  Praise the Lord we can do all things through Christ, who is our strength.   However, please note to pay rent on the tenth we had to get pennies out of our penny jar after we had already cleaned out our checking account, and used all cash. A few days later we were enable, by the Lord’s gifts, to pay off our IRS tax leaving us with less than $5.00 With the $5.00 Maureen brought a cake mix for Jacob’s birthday, and a bag of candy for me on my anniversary. On 5/18, our 10 year anniversary, we awaited the mail to see if God would send us $ to go out to eat for our anniversary – but – he withheld. PLEASE NOTE THE LORD’S GOODNESS TO HIS CHIDREN With no money, at all on hand, this is what we ate for supper: STEAK-T-BONE – THE Lord had given this to us months earlier through a dear friend. POTATOES – Julie and I went over to the potatoes and  out all the largest ones that were breaking the ground SALAD – The Ledlows gave us lettuce, and I picked some beet greens to go in it. CHOCOLATE – Maureen had given me a bog of miniature candy bars DIAMOND NECKLACE – Several months before a friend had given me a 1/2 carat diamond necklace to me to give to Maureen – I had saved it till then. So – in the midst of a lean time financially – we ate like kings and gave thanks to our God!

Tuesday, 5/22/90 Pr. 27:18 Lord, you have declared that the one who tends the fig tree eats of the figs- and in the same way HE THAT WAITETH ON HIS MASTER SHALL BE HONORED. …and you, Lord, are my master Help me to more readily wait upon you and your will. Help me to rest as I wait upon you for my temporal supply.

Mark 4:35-41 35 – “he saith unto them, Let up pass over…”  Jesus was with them

37 – “there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat the boat.”  Circumstances that we  (1) dislike, (2) fear

38 – “And HE was in the stern…asleep…”  He was with them – yet they thought he was not in control.        “…carest not that we perish?”        a fleshly irrational thought!


Lord, as you were with them in the boat – you are with me.

Wednesday, 5/23/90 Circumstances have arisen that I do not like and fear. You are with me – and I have the tendency to think also that you are sleeping and not aware of the situation. I, too, seem to cry out in my spirit “carest not that we perish?” Yet – each time you deliver – I hear you say to me “Why are ye so fearful – how is it that ye have no faith?”  and I feel ashamed.

Lord, help now my unbelief!  Cause me to believe!  Cause me to rest amid the winds and the waves knowing that you are in control.

Saturday, 5/26/90 Note: We have $1.72 in our checking account. We have $20.00 in an account set aside to pay our IRS taxes with. Our refrigerator is empty except one apple, mayonnaise lettuce, and a few other minor things. I looked in the cupboard this morning and we have little more than a few cans of tomato paste, some flour, and meal. The freezer is going down fast – since we have eaten from it almost daily for about 5 weeks. Both vehicles are on empty.  I pray we can make it to church and back in the morning. Our 5th child is due any day.  We need $400.00 to pay the mid-wife. In 15 days we will need to pay rent $200.00, water $15.00, and electric bill $50.00 or so.     I have a man wanting to buy 2+ acres of my land in West Point, but we do not have money to have it surveyed – nor gas to get to town.     On June 15 our second IRS SS tax voucher is due (we could not pay our first one)  which needs to be about $400.00.

Our names are written in heaven, Maureen and I have a wonderful relationship.  We have 4 perfect healthy children and have a perfect relationship with them.  We live in a free country.  We have the Word of God and the Holy Spirit.  We have been enabled to be a help spiritually to others.

We still have the Word of our God “who cannot lie”… “…I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”  Josh. 1:5 “…and all these things shall be added unto you.” Lu. 12:31 “…the Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.  The Lord is GOOD unto those who wait for him…It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”  Lam. 3:25-26 “Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon those who fear him, upon those who hope in his mercy.”  Ps. 33:18-19 “Blessed is the man who trusteth in him.” Ps. 34:8 “There is no lack to them that fear him.” Ps. 34:9 “…They who seek the lord shall not lack any good thing.”   Ps.34:10 “…and verily thou shall be fed.”  Ps. 37:3

Dear Lord Jesus,  Are you not the creator and sustainer of the universe?  Do you not own the cattle on a thousand hills?  And did you not promise that there would be no lack?  Did you not say “Ask, and it shall be given”? Now – Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.  Please Lord, for tomorrow – give us this day our daily bread.

Also: We were given fresh beets to cook – but have no vinegar or sugar.  We are to keep the children tomorrow – but have nothing to serve them for a snack except fresh green beans which were given to us.

5/27 This morning Jonathan has a bad cold.  Julie threw up and we ate chicken and dumplings and sw potatoes for breakfast.  We have no mike, bread, cereal, cheese, fruit, or eggs.  We have lots of water, some meat, and a few fresh veg. (lettuce, potatoes, green beans)

Sunday, 5/27/90 Dear Father,  We have very little food, no gas, and no money.  Maureen is in labor and our eyes are upon thee for we know not what to do.    Maureen labored nearly all day with still somewhat irregular contractions.  Then at aprox. 4:30 a.m. her water broke and at 5:25 pm on May 28, 1990 – little Jesse Randolph was born.  We were in the privacy and quietness of our own home with Tinzah Ball, our mid-wife, and the Lord was so good in so many ways.  Then – please witness what happened – with no money, very little food, and no gas – God began to move.  Mrs. Ledlow prepared, brought to the house and served a most delicious breakfast – one like we’d not had in WEEKS.  For lunch she did the same.  Mr. and Mrs. Ledlow also kept the children all day to the thrill and delight of all of them.  Our refrigerator began to fill up with leftovers and then Serena brought over and served a delightful supper, with many leftovers.  Then – through the instrumentality of a dear christian family – the Lord provided us with $400.00.   With tears of gratefulness I thanked Him over and over again both in my spirit and audibly.  The children then stayed with the Ledlows for the night.  So- dear reader – please note – when we were down, in great need, and in time of distress – our God – the Lord Jesus Christ – once again – arose, rebuked the wind and the waves and said to me “Why are ye so fearful, how is it that you have no faith?”  He did not leave us nor forsake us – JUST LIKE HE SAID!!! Mark 23:19

My heart is full of thanks, my heart is full of praise to my God – the Lord,  my God.  HE IS GOD, THE FAITHFUL GOD, who keepeth covenant and mercy with them who love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations.

Friday, 6/1/90 Lu. 10:20 Rejoice Not – that the spirits are subject unto you (or for ANYTHING that you can accomplish because of me) Rejoice — because your names are written in heaven

Lord, you told them not to rejoice over the mighty things that were wrought through them – the victories in their service to you, but hat they should rejoice in the fact that they KNEW YOU: Do you not ask me to do the same?  So I am not to rejoice in the… …the souls that are saved… …the progress in believers lives… …abundance of your supply…BUT I should rejoice – THAT MY NAME IS WRITTEN IN HEAVEN!!!   THEN – IF I DO… …when men are not responsive to the gospel (like in Noah’s day) …when believers are cold towards God – worldly & carnal …when temporal supplies are low or non-existent… I CAN STILL REJOICE!!! IN THE WORST OF CIRCUMSTANCES, BECAUSE – MY NAME IS STILL WRITTEN IN HEAVEN!

Note: rec. $100.00 on Thursday.  Rec. $50.00 for firstfruits of June We gave this last $100.00 we rec. in May and the firstfruits of June.1


If I am to focus on my relationship with you when the circumstances are favorable should I just as clearly – if not more – focus on the fact that my name is written in heaven when the circumstances are less than favorable?

Sunday, 6/3/90 “So Abraham departed” (not knowing where he went…” 75 years old Sarah, Lot, and Substance

Note: We presently have $78.00 to our name, with these needs: 1. Jesse to be circumcised   $75.00? 2. Tirzal     $150.00 3. Land Surveyed   $300.00 4. Electric Bill       $60.00 aprox. 5. Water Bill       $15.00 aprox. 6. Rent     $200.00 7. Giving  Ps. 37:4   $350.00

Prac. App: I, too, should “HEAR GOD’S VOICE” and then MOVE – when I do not understand the circumstances  “he went out not knowing…” Lord, help thou mine unbelief.

Note: Today we rec. an unmarked envelope containing $200.00.  Also the Lord gave us – through someone who sent word that they had been meaning to do this for a year – $1,000.00.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for this spell at Elim.

Monday, 6/4/90  A couple of days ago we received an IRS refund check for $638.00.  We thought it was an error.  But we found out today that it was not.  The IRS detected something that H&R Block did not.  They refigured our taxes and so- we are getting a refund.  This means that, even though we thought we were – we were NEVER IN DEBT!!

Tuesday, 6/5/90 John 6:6 “and this he said to prove him; FOR HE HIMSELF KNOW WHAT HE WOULD DO.”

Is this not how you deal with me still today?  “Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever” Heb 13:8

Gen. 22 – You KNEW what you would do, but in not telling Abraham you tested him.

Ex 15:22-27 – You KNEW what you would do – but in not telling the children of Israel, you tested them.

April – May 1990 in Randy Phillips’ life:  I see now that you KNEW WHAT YOU WOULD DO , BUT IN NOT TELLING ME, YOU TESTED ME “to know what was in my heart, whether I would keep his commandments or not.

YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WOULD DO WHEN… …last year this time you withheld money to pay my IRS voucher …you caused me to use all my savings up …showed ?? that I could not be exempt from SS. …withheld the $272.00 needed to pay my entire 89 tax return.

Lord, I KNEW that you were FAITHFUL, and that what you had said, you would perform – but I just did not understand WHY you who said “Owe no man anythin, would allow me to be in debt.  Now I see – that I was never in debt at all.  I was just being tested.

Prac. App: Document this whole account clearly “to rehearse in my ears” in days to come.

Wednesday, 6/13/90 Note: Please read entry on May 26.  At that time we needed aprox. $1,425.00.  Please consider now the hand of God. May 27 – Maureen went into labor. May 28 – Jesse, our 5th child born. May 29 – Rec’d $400.00 May 31 – Rec’d $100.00 June 1 – Rec’d $50.00 June 3 – Rec’d $1,200.00  So – with 8 days of a time of extreme want – we had the money to… …pay rent $200.00  prayed for Sineu(??) – June 4 …pay Tinzal $400.00 prayed for Sineu – May 5 …GIVE $420.00 prayed for sineu – APRIL 12 (see entry)  Besides this and more, we received a $638.00 refund form IRS that we had NO IDEA that we had coming – in fact – we though we were in debt!

Please KNOW AND BELIVE, dear reader, – whoever you are – that my God, the Lord Jesus Christ, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob – is a FAITHFUL GOD who has revealed himself in the Bible and what he says – HE WILL DO!  Although it looked as if the children of Israel were going to be destroyed at the RED SEA – THEY WERE NOT.  Although it looked as if they would die of thirst in the desert of Marah – THEY DID NOT.  Although the disciples’ boat was taking in water and apparently going to sink in the storm – THEY DID NOT. And although it looked as if we were going to have nothing to eat, be unable to pay our bills, and be indebted to the IRS, WE DID NOT AND WE WERE NOT.  Although I am ashamed of the weakness of my faith and my evil heart of unbelief – I thank my God for the trial of faith.  I thank him also for the refreshment he gives at ELIM after the testing, and I look forward to the next test in order to walk more closely with Jesus, who died for me, arose, and is coming again, in the body one day soon.  Lord, help thou mine unbelief!  Come, Lord Jesus!!!

Tuesday, 6/19/90 Rom. 4:12-21 “and being not weak in Faith…” “He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief, bu was strong in FAITH…” “And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.

Dear Lord, thank you for allowing me to believe you during this last trial of faith.  Help me to never… BE WEAK IN FAITH STAGGER IN YOUR PROMISES But instead – help me to always… BE STRONG IN FAITH BE FULLY PERSUADED THAT, WHAT YOU PROMISE, YOU ARE ABLE ALSO TO PERFORM.


have a promise from the Word of God ex: “SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU” look intently at the promise and continue to believe that God cannot lie – even when ALL CIRCUMSTANCES SEEM TO INDICATE THAT the promise is not true. Be willing to DIE, BE HUNGRY, OR BE EMBARRASSED OR SHAMED if that is what trusting in God and waiting upon him results in.

Note: To take your focus OFF THE PROMISE and on the circumstances is to be “WEAK IN FAITH” to “stagger at the promise of God.” Ex:  Mark 4:35-40 To keep your focus on the promise, waiting upon God to honor it, when all your senses tell you, your intuition, your feelings, that you are going to sink, and be willing to sink if that is what faith in God results in – is true faith that God will honor. STRONG IN FAITH – BEING FULLY PERSUADED!

App: Ask God now for $40.00 to give in July.

Sunday, 7/1/90 Note: Today – the First of July – the Lord provided us with $360.00.  I have been asking the Lord for $400.00 to give in July since June 19 so we take it that He would have to give it. “Honor the Lord with thy SUBSTANCE and with the firstfruits of ALL thine increase – so shall barns be filled with plenty and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.”  So – we set it aside to give to two different saints of God according to Rom 12:13 “distributing to the necessity of the saints.”  I cannot accurately describe the joy of dealing with God in such a way.


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